Why I Blog & Why I Hate It Sometimes

this is me. & my co-journeyer, kyle david green. his charm danced into my life when i was merely 14 years old. it was the beginning of sophomore year. i was walking to art class (with an ex-boyfriend #lol) when kyle struck up a conversation with my walking companion. (all the while i'm secretly wishing he was talking to me. turns out, I got my turn—keep reading.) i don't know my stance on love-at-first-sight but what i experienced was the closest thing to that. after hearing his southern-tinged voice, seeing his strong, freckled arms, & experiencing one of his sly & kind smiles, i thought "i'm going to marry that boy one day." 

flash forward & now we've been together over 7 years—6 as boyfriend/girlfriend, 1 ½ as husband/wife. the road has been rocky and yet exponentially worth taking. our unique history of meeting so young was a blessing in many ways. i am profoundly thankful for the privilege of watching each other grow up. it's surreal to assess who we were then & who we are today. & yet, that's been the largest challenge our history has delt us—giving each other space & grace to shape-shift into our true selves. a process i don't believe ever stops. or at least shouldn't.

there have been kind seasons & heavy seasons & i think it's wildly important to talk appropriately about both, which requires running the risk of sounding overly melancholy or juxtaposingly—overly romantic. i think it's important to talk about both seasons because every story worth living is full of winters & summers & one is not better than the other, but rather, necessary to appreciate the fullness of the other. we only know warmth if we've experienced chill. we only experience the joy of light to the extent that we've experienced the dark of night. all of which is much easier to talk about than to live out. i'd like to get good at being thankful & faithful in both. i think it might just be what life is all about. 

with that said, sharing the process is hard. like really hard. blogging can be totally cringe-worthy. i hate it sometimes. i am a human with a beating heart & a complex mind & dreams so sacred i don't dare to speak them out loud. i am a daughter, wife, friend, artist, writer, learner with a curiosity that can't be quenched & ideas that can't be explained. how can i give an honest portrayal of so many layers of my life? how can i tell you who i am if i'm discovering that very thing, every. single. day?  who i am today is a less true version of who i will be tomorrow. the days are our becoming. you might be thinking "lighten up, girl. you take life too seriously. just write a couple lines about how you like coffee & plants & slow mornings" & to you i say (unapologetically)...impossible. sometimes i wish it were possible, but most days i don't, because to wish i were different is to wish away who god made me to be & i find that a big ole waste of time. i take life seriously. i believe it's brilliant & beautiful & heartbreaking & nothing less (cue all my fellow INFP's) . if you think differently...that is wonderful, really. i like how god made you (& if i don't i will try) & i probably need to lean on your light-hearted perspective. but alas, you are you & i am me & thankfully, we have so much to learn from one another. 

this blog is one, tiny effort to engage in the learning/sharing process. enjoy the imagery, the words, the stories. but remember—they are all just snapshots. kyle & i don't always walk hand 'n hand along the misty Oregon coast or piggyback adventure through the Washington rain forest. we have sleepless nights & conversation-less dinners & disappointing date nights. we hurt each other & our friends & our family. we give shitty, selfish "love" & then take hours to apologize (stupid pride). we love our comfort more than people & we forget to live what we say we believe. but we're trying.

we're fumbling
& forgetting
& forging an honest life.

we've got a closet full of hopes
& a basement full of secrets
& we're learning how to expose both
& invite others into that place. 

welcome.

photos taken by joel allegretto.